


when i am an old man (and live by the sea)

by ChibiFrieza



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-09
Updated: 2014-02-09
Packaged: 2018-01-11 19:22:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1176926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChibiFrieza/pseuds/ChibiFrieza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt from <a href="http://twoskeletons.livejournal.com">Las</a>: <i>The one where Sam is an old man by the time he gets Dean and Cas out of purgatory.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	when i am an old man (and live by the sea)

**Author's Note:**

> Title and transitions taken from lyrics by [Keane.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keane_\(band\))

_I shake through the wreckage for signs of life_

 

It has taken much less time to grow old than his last experience in Hell led him to believe. When the creak of his bones surprises him or he really looks at the lined and crumpled face in the mirror, he gently reminds himself that this is not like the first Hell. This is the easier kind, the kind without Lucifer, the kind with other people. The kind that lets him age.

Jody died last year, stubborn and living, the way you'd expect. Sam hasn't made any new friends. He's been busy.

Crowley showed up for the last time thirty years ago to laugh. The world hasn't ended yet, so Sam keeps working. He's learned forty-three languages to facilitate his research and traveled to eighty-seven countries. Now and then he finds himself humming Metallica on long flights. 

No one's watching his back, but no one's got a stake in taking him out right now. He's not a threat to anyone, living or dead.

He finds the key four days before Dean would have turned ninety.

There's blood, of course, pieces of ancient dialect he dearly hopes have survived intact, bone and eyes of a sacrifice that can't be him but the woman was dying anyway, volunteered, and the light of the portal opening hurts his eyes even through closed lids.

He cannot go in. He can only call. For hours he calls, until his voice leaves him, until he cannot understand the words he is trying to form. Anything might hear. Anything might come through. He does not care.

Nothing comes through, until it does. Until he does.

Sam sees his brother for only a split second before he has to shut his eyes against the second figure leaving the portal. Blind, he speaks the word of command in a voice like fine powder, and he feels the portal close.

"Cas," he hears, "put a lid on it, you can't- he doesn't-" and then, right in front of him, " _Sammy_."

He opens his eyes.

 

~*~

 

_and your voice came out of nowhere_

 

Purgatory is much more fun than you ever would have expected.

Well. Horrifying and tense, but you are _on_ in a way you never got to be in Heaven, the way you couldn't afford to be in Hell. The monsters are curious about you and you are curious about the monsters and the way to find out is to hunt each other.

Cas is more terrifying here than you ever could have imagined, and as he found his way back to his true self, he found his way back to you. Fighting with Cas at your back involves a special kind of bright-edged adrenaline saturation.

It just keeps going.

~

No one here has spoken in a long time, and when you hear the voice calling you think you might have gone suddenly mad. You thought you were already there, but you are prepared to own up to your mistakes.

It can't actually be Sam calling you home.

~

Your brother is as fragile in age as he was in infancy. You hold him just as carefully. He is the first thing since you parted ways that you do not want to break.

~*~

 

_I'll see you on the other side_

 

Castiel is at loose ends on Earth. Purgatory has made him unfit for anything in moderation. He goes back to Heaven, but the angels are afraid of him, and he returns to Dean.

"Guess you've got a new project," says Dean. It isn't that simple, and everyone knows it, but the core of its truth gives him direction. Nobody asks what Dean's new project is going to be.

The next time he returns, Sam is bedridden.

"That was never what it was about," Sam is saying, before he sees. "Hey, Cas. Thanks for coming."

"You can't just," says Dean, and then turns to Castiel. "Can you do anything?" he demands.

"No," says Sam. "Because I won't allow it even if he can." 

Dean rounds on his brother. "You can't just do this. You can't just bring me home and then leave." He didn't need tears in Purgatory; he's lost the ability to hold them back.

Sam reaches for Dean, and Dean takes his hand carefully, automatically. They are still a paradox: time and separation have crumbled their walls, not built them stronger.

"Cas," he says, looking over, "is it safe?"

Heaven is in an uproar, but that is not the question. "For you, yes."

Sam looks back at his brother. "Then I'll see you there. Take your time."

"What am I supposed to-" Dean cuts himself off. Castiel can see the rest of Dean's lifetime spreading out empty in front of him, can see how it aches.

"Go be a fireman or join the FBI or something," says Sam. "And don't do anything stupid. I love you, but if you die before you're fifty I'm not going to be happy to see you."

"Like you could do anything about it, bitch." There's a catch in his voice.

"Over half a century in Purgatory and you're still a stubborn jerk," murmurs Sam. His eyes are beginning to close. "Cas," he continues. "Do me a favour?"

Castiel steps closer. "What would you have me do?"

"Make sure."

Dean locks eyes with Castiel for a brief moment. They can still speak without words, and Castiel reads resignation, permission, behind the pain.

"I will."

"Good." His voice is faint now. Dean sits on the edge of the bed, careful not to make too much of a disturbance, his older younger brother's hand cradled like something precious. "Maybe I'll see you around."

"You will."

They are his family, but they were each other's first. This is not his to intrude upon.

He goes to prepare a safe place.

 

 

~fin~

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on [Livejournal](http://chibifrieza.livejournal.com/495787.html). Thank you for reading; comments are appreciated!


End file.
